well wat to do whn im still using the damn slow and cant even connect to a webpage tmnet at home...
well i have no choice when my mum still refuse to change to streamyx...
two weeks plus semester break seems to be a long holiday to me when it was not actually that long...
things that i most worried all this long happened...my mum knew i had a boyfriend and who is him...she doesnt like him like what i had expected all this while...
details of the conversation dun really feel to explain...and the fact is i had forgotten most of it...
but i know what she said is all for my own good..."i am not stupid"
haihz...becz of that also my mum disallowed me to go for trip as she was worried that i would ask my bf to join me too...and she actually knew that he went to genting together with me on the first sem break...she knew it...lol...
after all it was a past tense when she actually realized it...and the fact now is that i wonder will there be any possibilities of us going for trip together anymore...
since that...i realized no matter what happened...even my mum like him...in my heart i still hope for more...i know u guys dun wish to hear the descriptions any longer as i had been repeating it for dunno how many times dy in my blog dy...
i understand all your problems and your ability...or perhaps i am still blur about it...sometimes i really dunno wat to do but to explain to u in chinese when i mentioned a simple english word that seems to be a total strange word to u...
i knew i was wrong to cz u so many troubles,worries and burdens... i am really sorry for that...
i am even sorry when i knew wat i said will cz u to be emo and i am repeating it on and on as time goes by...
i cant blame the fault to anyone or anything...but who the hell in this world can prove to me that they dun wish or hope for a perfect partner...which would never even exist in this world...at least near to perfectionist...
perhaps i am still a young gal who dont know about the cruelty of the world and totally appreciate with wat i have now...
wtf...i have been always push back all my facts with my own theories and explanations...then wats the point of me mentioning it!!! damn it!
few days before this u are damn emo again becz of the same old issue i mentioned...then only u finally told me all your thoughts and how tired u r everyday after work with the interior designs book u r going through now...and that u had really work your way to search for courses and waiting for reply...crying to tell me that u know your standard and its not easy for colleges or watever institutions to accept u...
thats when i finally (okay not to say finally- which i have been promising so many times yet i failed to do it) promise u i will not mention again in the future... furthermore its all me who cause u the tiredness and burdens all this while... i realized no matter what i do, there are things that i cant force... future is yours... its all on your hand... i cant do anything anymore but to let u to go on your own way... i hope i had really give up on this matter...
2 perspectives:
for being selfish: it was an excuse when i said i do that as i dun wish that our happiness all this while cant be prolonged...
for being positive: it is really for your own good to gain more knowlegde...
actually im already speechless on this matter...the fact is though i mind about this matter... and thats the reason why i keep on mentioning it indirectly or directly occasionally to u... i really start to hate myself for nagging u like an old woman...
after that nite of promise to u...dunno why...i can feel the distance between us dy...
more and more arguments follow on as u know...im not that type with patience...
i dun like it when im not happy dy...then u keep on repeating dun be unhappy...again and again...
excuse me...everytime u did like that...it only makes me to focus on the matter even more and make me go mad at u...
i realize love is not everything...
im damn unhappy with my result for last sem seriously... im so far behind compared to those excellent one with the score of ONLY 3.47 pointer for gpa... how can i do such badly... i dunno... perhaps i dun even wanna know... the hope to get full scholarship from utar juz crash like that... booommmm!!! down u go... byebye... though my mum dun nag much for this...i know she is sad too... i dun like to make my mum to be disappointed becz of me seriously... i hate the feeling that haunt me...
when im so down... what u did... is only repeating to me telling me the fact that past is past...u cant do anything to change it... and dun be unhappy lah...
seriously i had knew this fact for years but when u r really upset means u r! put aside all those fact that u know cz even u know it, u cant do anything about it...can u throw away your emo-ness even a little bit...the answer is NO! fact remains as fact and feeling remains as an individual too...
i wonder what will i feel when we take the exam slip tomorrow...when i am around all of u with 3.8-4.0 pointer... perhaps i will jz zip up my mouth huh...well wat else can i do wor...
~life goes on~
hope tmr will be a better day
though i know this is a lame saying
sorry
1 comment:
appreciate wad u have.
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